I used to be a curmudgeon until my early 20s, wondering how everyone could be so dumb. Then, enlightenment! I learnt I didn't know everything.
I am just curious. Everyone acts rationally from their point of view. Why do people do what they do? What makes them successful? Failures? What is their take on living? Most people are passionate about something, so tell me about it. I'll learn something new.
I spent a lot of time learning how to actively listen, not just wait for an opportunity to jump into a conversation with my own immature opinions. (I have many.) I am not afraid to ask dumb questions in an effort to learn. I have no fear that people will think I am stupid. Actually, asking questions makes you look like a genius.
Caveat: There are some people who lack the spark of life. I don't spend time with them.
1. Listening, really listening, is really hard. Start by trying to listen to those you seem to have an issue(s) with! Really try to have an open mind and see things from an alternate perspective. Surely, you must have some level of interest in people you see. Why did he decide to get 1000 piercings? Why is s/he homeless? What drives this person to wear a suit every single day? .... Look at the things that you judge, and try to find answers that may not be so obvious as to why they are the way they are.
2. "I learnt I didn't know everything" -- this is pure and simple, but if my own experience has any relevance, it won't click with a number of people. I was smart enough to know that I didn't know everything when I was pretty young. But somehow, I really didn't "get it" -- I thought I was open minded, but I really wasn't. It wasn't until life beat me up pretty good that I finally "think" I get it. At least I hope I get it, and I feel like I do. Which leads to...
3. "Everyone acts rationally from their point of view" -- It took a very, very long time for me to understand this point. It took a lot of humility, pain and suffering to really open up my mind to why people do what they do. I believe MOST people make choices with good intentions. From the outside, it might be hard to understand those intentions. The challenge, or for me, the interest, comes in understanding the perspective that drove a particular decision. This goes back to "two sides to every story" -- and I've seen enough stories to know that both sides have strong convictions that they are correct and right. If you aren't fundamentally interested in people, then try to get interested in figuring out why they do what they do, especially when it is at odds with your own bias.
Most people are passionate about something, so tell me about it.
That's my sticking point: in situations referred to, the person in question all too often isn't prone to discussing what he _want_ to discuss, but what his fans do. How to, as a random face wandering up as so many do, can one elicit some fragment of "say, what do _you_ want to talk about or do?"
The nuance struck me when meeting (as just another face in the room) Steve Reich and Philip Glass. During a talk, Reich lamented that everyone wanted to gush over his early works, which he made clear he viewed as immature - not bad, but something he has moved far beyond. Able to stand nearby someone's hallway chat with Glass, I was struck by how _much_ the two had to talk about, how the other person wasn't anyone the great composer knew, and how I had absolutely nothing to offer/initiate in conversation despite a desire to do so and an ability to work a conversation well _once_it_started_ on some point - but alas I had no point to start on.
To wit: when opportune, I want to say to great/famous person X "so, what might _you_ want to talk about?" but such phrasing is inane.
A few years ago my mother helped organize a literature festival and at the closing banquet was seated next to a famous author with several critically acclaimed bestsellers to his name. My mother introduced herself and added "I have to admit I've never actually read any of your books". "Excellent!" the author replied, "that means we can talk about something else". And they spent the entire evening having a really great conversation about all manners of topics. My mother said she could really tell how excited he was to get a chance actually talk about something other than his books.
Conversations are back and forth. They will make it obvious what they are passionate about by their answers. Start with easy questions. Talk to them about anything. Have you been to this kind of event a lot before? What did you think about the speakers? Be aware of what sparks them up.
I'm not trying to pitch people except when I am so I don't feel a lot of pressure to get people to instantly like me. I'd rather have a great conversation. The pitch comes after I know what their current needs are.
It's hard but I'm trying to be genuinely curious about others. There's nothing worse than someone pretending to be interested, asking questions and then not really listening to the answers. I try to avoid being that person. One thing I try to remember is that everyone has something interesting to say if you push the right buttons.
I am just curious. Everyone acts rationally from their point of view. Why do people do what they do? What makes them successful? Failures? What is their take on living? Most people are passionate about something, so tell me about it. I'll learn something new.
I spent a lot of time learning how to actively listen, not just wait for an opportunity to jump into a conversation with my own immature opinions. (I have many.) I am not afraid to ask dumb questions in an effort to learn. I have no fear that people will think I am stupid. Actually, asking questions makes you look like a genius.
Caveat: There are some people who lack the spark of life. I don't spend time with them.