It's a hard problem, if not impossible based on its conditions: that which makes PHP easy for beginners make it hard for anyone to use well.

The ease of php (as mentioned repeatedly) is that you get global access to hundreds of functions. If you know how to call a function, you can probably hack together what you're trying to do. Others (python, ruby, go) are meant for more mature applications because real problems are not that simple. You "have to" do imports and write more boilerplate, but it's also more explicit as to what's happening in the context of HTTP and enables and encourages better design.

I feel like it's a compromise and I think creating something new that is as well thought out as Go but as simple as `<?php header("Location: http://google.com) ?>` would be difficult to do. See other things like PHP: JSP, etc.