Be very careful what you wish for;
you might get it.
I've seen far too many women working very
hard, initially quite successfully, to be
"more like men" but too soon encounter
agonies of the damned, failure, and even
death. Be careful. Be very careful.
Suspect: Mother Nature long ago filtered
out from the tree any women so easily
distracted from being strong limbs on the
tree. Motherhood is not inferior; the
hand that rocks the cradle rules the world; good
parenting is the crucial, most rewarding,
and most important job in the world;
what men do at work is not superior to
what women, and essentially only women,
can do with motherhood; everyone on HN
had a mother who did a lot of important,
hard work quite different from success
in the world of work; what men do at work
is to bring home money for what is really
important, motherhood, family, home, etc.
For a woman to concentrate on a startup
is to neglect motherhood and, thus, to
confuse means and ends.
Darwin will have the last word here: Currently
in Western Civilization, the average number
of children born to one women is less than
2.1 which means Western Civilization is
voluntarily going extinct. In Finland the
average is 1.5 which means that in 10
generations about 30 Finns will become
1. Finland did well fighting off the
Swedes, Russians, and Germans but now is
losing out to 'new' ideas on what women
should do.
Some science is quite clear: Starting in the
crib, the girls pay attention to people
and the boys, to things. That difference
continues. Girls pay attention to people
because that is crucial for motherhood.
Boys pay attention to things because that
is crucial to the world of work. Don't
confuse the two.
Gee, some people don't like the advice to be careful.
When it's your sister, wife, or daughter who
gets seriously injured for life or gets killed,
say, from suicide from clinical depression from
stress from being pushed away from motherhood and into the world of
startups, then you will understand why it is
crucial to be careful.
Sure, at one time she told me "Women don't have to
just be cared for. Women can do things, too.
I want a career.". I believed her. I was
naive.
Her mother was pushing her
hard away from motherhood and into something
challenging.
Although I didn't yet see the role of her
mother, I had good reasons to believe in her:
So, she was Valedictorian, PBK,
Woodrow Wilson, 'Summa Cum Laude', Ph.D. And
in many ways, in academics and also daily
life, she was just hands down, flatly brilliant.
She had the endurance of an ultra athlete and
could go with so little sleep that so little for
me would have me asleep standing up, literally.
Still, by the time she finished her Ph.D., she
was in a clinical depression from the stress,
never recovered, and died. Her sisters had
similar struggles. It's tough to separate
nature and nurture here: She got the nurture
from her mother who had the nature but also
got the nature from her mother. She likely got
another dose of the nature from her father, a
guy who for some years worked 20 hours a day
except cut back to 10 on Sundays.
Solid evidence is that such
vulnerability to stress is four times more likely
for women than men.
There is a good reason for the expression "Nervous
Nellie" because, from an expert, "women are much
more emotional than men" and one way they are more
emotional is that they are more nervous, more
easily made afraid. Such nervousness and fear
leads to stress leads to depression, clinical
depression, serious problems, and sometimes death.
For a women in a challenging situation, have to
exercise special care watching for signs of
low self-esteem, stress, 'burn out', and depression. Some
women can meet such challenges; too many can't; even some
that very much look like they can, can't;
these problems are much more likely for women;
it's a very challenging situation.
My advice I repeat: Be careful. Be very careful.
Some people just flatly want to believe that
"Women don't have to just be cared for.
Women can do things, too." and want to and, then,
do hate any suggestion of anything else
and pass off any suggestion as some sexism.
No, the caution
I urge is based on hard experience. Be careful.
I didn't say stop; I just said be careful.
"Careful"? Yes, for a women, have to watch
for symptoms and problems that mostly would not
have to watch for for men.
Be careful.
Sorry about your dream, largely unfounded, that
women are just the same in startups as men
and have just been held down and now need to
be 'unleashed'. It's not just a dream,
too easily it's a nightmare. Sorry about your
dream. But if the woman is your sister, wife,
or daughter, your dream can become a nightmare
for you. You've been warned. Let the pop media
have their fun pushing 'lean in', etc., but for
your sister, wife, and daughter, be careful,
be very careful.
If you want an explanation, then notice that
Darwin's forces were there and having their
effects for many tens of thousands of years
before startups. and we don't know just what
those forces were or just how they worked.
Since we can't understand what those forces
were, for making big changes now we are
walking out on thin ice. Be careful.
Or, the world of work, and startups were created
by men in ways convenient for men. And we should
just assume that women will be comfortable in that
world? Why assume? Or how many men would be
comfortable in and fit in at
a baby shower? How many men can do well at
gossip? For 'social connections', men don't
gossip; instead they communicate
information (D. Tannen,'You Just Don't Understand: Men and Women in Conversation'), and
women communicate feelings and the rest of gossip.
Men are from Mars, women from Venus, that is,
they are so different they seem to be from different
planets. They
deserve equal respect as persons but are not
the same (E. Fromm, 'The Art of Loving').
I've seen far too many women working very hard, initially quite successfully, to be "more like men" but too soon encounter agonies of the damned, failure, and even death. Be careful. Be very careful.
Suspect: Mother Nature long ago filtered out from the tree any women so easily distracted from being strong limbs on the tree. Motherhood is not inferior; the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world; good parenting is the crucial, most rewarding, and most important job in the world; what men do at work is not superior to what women, and essentially only women, can do with motherhood; everyone on HN had a mother who did a lot of important, hard work quite different from success in the world of work; what men do at work is to bring home money for what is really important, motherhood, family, home, etc. For a woman to concentrate on a startup is to neglect motherhood and, thus, to confuse means and ends.
Darwin will have the last word here: Currently in Western Civilization, the average number of children born to one women is less than 2.1 which means Western Civilization is voluntarily going extinct. In Finland the average is 1.5 which means that in 10 generations about 30 Finns will become 1. Finland did well fighting off the Swedes, Russians, and Germans but now is losing out to 'new' ideas on what women should do.
Some science is quite clear: Starting in the crib, the girls pay attention to people and the boys, to things. That difference continues. Girls pay attention to people because that is crucial for motherhood. Boys pay attention to things because that is crucial to the world of work. Don't confuse the two.